oh dear god…i’m in HELL…

for those who may not know, XM Satellite Radio bought out Muzak.

My workplace used Muzak for its inhouse music — it wasn’t the notorious Muzak instrumental versions, but the real thing, though it was the most awfullest slow ballads & midtempo crap from the 70s/80s/90s. We’re talking Air Supply, John Denver, Barry Manilow, Whitney Houston, etc etc etc. On a slow night, you’re ready to strangle someone, anyone, just to liven the pace up. Even when they tossed in the occasional Journey ballad, I still wanted to strangle my neighbor…

No. I should’ve been on my knees in gratitude for that.

XM took over, and changed the format of the station they had it set to. For one day, I was in pure heaven. I sit right under the speaker, and last night I was getting wonderful alternative rock…

…until today.

Today, my workplace changed the station. Today, right now, I’m sitting right under true “elevator music” dental-office remove-your-teeth-with-a-corkscrew KILL ME RIGHT NOW oh god i’m dying dying DEAD squeals of cheesy strings, overwrought woodwinds & nonexistent percussion…we’re talking “Liberace’s Greatest Hits Your Grandma Retched To”, Andy Williams, Johnny Mathis, Henry Manicini’s 100 Living Strings…mixed in with muzak-ballad-pop.

I thought the real Air Supply was bad. Having to sit through an ELEVATOR MUSIC VERSION of Air Supply is unadulterated, living payback-unto-your-seventh-generations-sins HELL.

whatever I’ve done, Oh Ye High Holy Saints of Journey…I’M FUCKING SORRY ALREADY, ALL RIGHT?????? PLEASE, END IT NOW…

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