Yes, this is a real email:
“News travels fast, Company-name. You are afraid you might offend “someone”. For the rest of us that you don’t care whether you offend or not, including your faithful workers:
(deleted to protect the stupid)
Hooo, brother, Ms. Customer. Did our system ever pick the WRONG ‘faithful worker’ to respond to your email. I’m Pagan. That means I’m not Christian. I’m REALLY not Christian. And oh yeah, I’ve got faith, though not in your limited view of God.
And right now, at that company you claim is scared of “offending someone”, I’m sitting under our muzak speaker, which is blaring John Denver’s “Oh Holy Night”. Right before that, Loreena McKennitt’s “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” and the Harry Simone Chorale’s “Little Drummer Boy” — it’s a pretty good mix of ‘holly jolly’ and hymns. There’s a Christmas tree over in the corner of our floor. I’ve heard reps in our center wish callers an equal mix of “Have a good holiday”, “Merry Christmas”, “Happy Holiday”, etc — there’s no official or unofficial policy on what to say.
However, our customers are Christian & Muslim & Jewish & Pagan & Hindu & all other religions. Guess what, Ms. Customer — we’re a business. We want to include ALL of our customers, not just the ones who fit your viewpoints.
Our company also employs Jewish folks, Muslims, Pagans, Christians, etc etc. All of us have our own holidays. But hey, even leaving that part out (I’m making a guess here that your email is all part of the “holidays vs Christmas” idiocy), you still got Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, AND 12th Night/Epiphany…as in, Holidays, plural. And maybe you’ve forgotten your entymology…”holiday” comes from “holy day”.
So much for the semantic battle.
Everyone on my team (roughly 20 people, mostly Christian) got a look at your email, and had a good laugh, along with scratching our collective heads trying to figure out what in the world set you off. And because I’m essentially a polite person, you got a polite response asking you to explain what you were referring to…and if you got the balls to reply to that, well. We’ll all get another good laugh.