there is no depression so big, no funk so deep, no withdrawal-from-all-of-humanity-in-disgust so far, that a warm, furry, purring weight on your lap, a warm furry purring weight that looks so cute when cuddled & who puts up with being hugged and hugged, that a fuzzy loving cat cannot help lift. And yet…even then…

it’s that big realization that there’s no such thing as safety, no such thing as a sure-thing, very little trust, and too little people TO trust. That life’s going nowhere, and the path ain’t anywhere I want to be. Too much dealing with the Internet and what passes for interaction there, too tired to go out, too unwilling to go out & try anymore because all I run into are folks who can only talk TV or video games or how badly their life/boyfriend/psychosis-of-the-week has dicked them over. Too many people who’s only reference point IS TV, whose only opinions match whatever-the-hell the latest Talk-Radio-Bastard rants about this week. I can’t connect with most women — I don’t have children, I don’t have problems with my husband (at least, none worth bitching and bitching about), I don’t read romance or watch TV, I don’t care about clothes or diets, and I swear, that’s all the women at work TALK about, chatter chatter chatter until I just want to scream at them, “If you don’t like him so much, why the FUCK are you DATING him? READ SOMETHING WORTH THE PAPER IT’S PRINTED ON! American Idol is for TALENTLESS HACKS!!” And with the men…great, I can talk computers, or discuss politics, or have conversation that’s semi-intelligent…but…but…there’s that divide. Woman/Man. Friendship, nil. Culture/mind-think, completely different & no common ground to start from that won’t start rumors going that I don’t want to deal with. Religion? don’t get me started. And none of this rant is coming close to the big great lump of *what-the-fuck-is-this-all-about-and-why-am-i-even-bothering* that’s sitting in my chest right now.

Screw it. I’m retreating. The Internet sucks. People suck. Life sucks.

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