Oh. My. Freakin’. Lord.

In my job, I see a lot of baaaaad websites. I’m talking banal, boring, collections of cheap dollar-store-merchandise, tacky jewelry, vitamin supplements, made-by-the-thousands ‘collectibles’ — you know, junk — that no one buys in real stores, let alone on the Web.

I’m talking businesses that have no need for a web site — hell, they have no business being on the web — but they get the boss’s cousin Larry, who has MS Frontpage, to slap together a horridly tacky site for them, with blinky text and huge-ass out-of-focus jpgs shot by the boss’s cheap digicam and little swirly things that follow your mouse around & crash your browser. I mean, come on, when you’re looking for a mattress, do you seriously think to run to your computer & Google for it? Or do you do what all the rest of us regular people do & GO TO THE STORE to touch/feel/jump-on and get free delivery?

Anyone who thinks the web is wild, untamed & wonderful needs to work my job for a day. After a couple hardcopy pages of the sites I see on a daily basis, and you’ll want to tear the whole Internet down for violating your right to be free of crap.

And smash your computer.

And your neighbor’s computer.

And then go nuke the shit out of Dell, Microsoft, and Apple just to make certain you NEVER EVER HAVE TO LOOK AT THAT MINDNUMBING CRAP AGAIN.

So with that in mind, when a site like this crosses my desk — a site that makes me go, “oh noes, they DINT” — it’s rather noteworthy.

But Does She Do Windows?

It’s warped my fragile little mind.

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