On pr0n, Steve Perry, and the You Must Be Joking factor..

Okay. In general, I really really like the re-mastered FTLOSM; the sound is better, the mixes are better, and I’m finding myself listening to the album more & more — more than I did than when the album was first released back in ’94.

However, I’ve been watching with amusement…and puzzlement…over the Perry-ites (and other fans) breathless reactions to “Can’t Stop”, one of the extra tracks included on the re-issue.

Gods, you folks must be joking.

The track is junk. It’s not hot. It’s not sexy. The vocals suck — what vocals there are. No grown man I know would use the word “coochie-coo” seriously in any sexual situation — at least, use it and not get laughed out of the bedroom. Lines such as “magical potion” would fit into any fanfic pr0n in any fandom, and show about the same level of writing, and I’m wondering how the backing chorus managed to get through this crap with a straight face.

I mean, come ON, people. You want a good, hot Steve Perry sex song, gimme Lovin’ Touchin, or Anyway You Want It, or Dixie Highway, or hell, even Homemade Love. But “Can’t Stop”? Stop it. Please. The song is a sop to what Perry thinks his female fans want — unfortunately, it sounds as if he took the worst of fanfic pr0n as his cue. In some ways, it’s more awful & more sad & more cheesy than the whole nonsense with the ponytail & jacket on the FTLSOM tour (a staged piece of bullshit that had me shaking my head in shame & sadness over how far Perry had fallen in his showmanship).

Listening to it — it’s audio Perry pr0n, on the level of the stuff the Steve Perry Doomcoven makes fun of on its homepage, cutesy euphemistic crap that ignores honest, raw sexuality and substitutes crappy, uninspired vocals for true emotional edge. And when we reach a point where Steve Perry is writing his own pr0n, armageddon can’t be far behind.

Okay, folks — flame away. Let’s hear it, good & bad. I’ve unscreened all comments on this entry.

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