What IS it about this frakkin’ recipe….

I make nutroll every year, from my Great-Aunt Margaret’s Sooper Sekrut Recipe LOLZ that I’ve had to research & figure out how to make it work. Mind, her instructions start out with “Take 5 lbs of flour….” — the woman must have arms like a GORILLA, I swear — and what I’ve got is what she quoted to my dad, from memory, at a church bingo game. To my dad, who’s not a baker and not really a cook. So it’s his interpretation of her verbal from-memory instructions.

“Disaster” was not the word for the first time I attempted that recipe.

Thank gods for the Internetz, because I’ve since found out that the Sooper Sekrut Recipe (link is just ONE of many I’ve found — most variations are the filling) isn’t a secret & ain’t rare, but DAMN, even with instructions that make sense, I *still* can never get this stupid thing to work right.

Now mind, failed nutroll still tastes damn good. It’s the appearance of the thing that gives me conniptions. And the yeast. And the rising (which it never does). Bread? Pizza dough? No problem. Nut roll? Forget the rising. Grrrrrrrr. And thus, it ends up a sweet bread shell filled with nut filling.

And every year, what does my dad focus on? “It doesn’t look like Aunt Margaret’s.”

Well, HELL, Dad, like you take those instructions you gave me and YOU make them work.

Okay. Rant done. Barb, your care package may be a bit late this year. Given what you told me happened to the last one…I’m about to make a “special” batch of pizzelles just for your brother-in-law…

…made with Splenda. Pizzelles made from Splenda taste okay when you first bite in…then the aftertaste hits you. REALLY hits you; the one time I used Splenda, I got universal “OMG WTF DID U DO TO THEZE COOKIEZ” from my entire gaming group — and believe me, when GAMERS say that, it’s seriously messed-up snacks. If that doesn’t teach him to lay off your cookies, nothing will.

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