Most Clueless Newage Clerk Response EVAH

As a bit of backstory, me & Brett are spending this weekend feng-shui’ing the place. Now Feng Shui falls into the “core ideas make sense, can’t hurt, might help” category for me — its basic idea of “your environment influences you” makes total sense, though many of the specifics of it fall into the “oh come ON” category. Still…

Anyway, one of the first things you do is clear out clutter. Even though we cleared a lot out back when we moved here, we’re still pretty crammed. So we decided to take this weekend and get even more ruthless with the stuff. Two people just do not need all this stuff, and the energy here was getting decidedly stagnant and depressing (being out of work & struggling with the incoming medical bills contributes a LOT to that, but I don’t need to be fighting my environment TOO).

Well, along with that, I also decided to smudge the place out (for the non-Pagans, smudging is basically using aromatic smoke to scent-bomb the bad energy into oblivion). Noticed that we didn’t have any smudge sticks (bundles of dried sage). Luckily, one of the main Newage stores in Columbus, Pearls of Wisdom, is almost right around the corner, so we made a trip there.

Pearls is one of those fancy-schmancy high-end Newage places, where the sales women are dressed like they just stepped out of a Macy’s catalog and they have crystals & high-priced statuary and a HUGE meditation pyramid in front of the store — think of it as a New Age Sharper Image. Oh, yeah, and PENA DRAGONS! THEY SOLD PENA DRAGONS!!

Now one of the things we’re having trouble with is that we have crystals that we no longer need, no longer use, no longer want — and have no idea what to do with (don’t wanna hassle with eBay). So, I thought, ask the sales clerk if she had any ideas.

We call the sales clerk over, and I’m explaining that we’re feng-shui’ing the place and clearing out all the clutter & had a lot of extra crystals, and if she had any ideas as to what to do with them — I don’t know, I was hoping she might know friends or even a place that might be taking crystals as donations. But she just looked at me blankly, and said, “well, I just got a few plastic tubs from Walmart and stored all mine there. You never know when you’ll need ’em.”

Um, lady, what part of “clearing clutter & getting rid of stuff we don’t need” didn’t you understand?

But wait…

We finally head up to the counter, and when she asks if we’d found everything we needed, I made an offhand, gleeful comment about “coming back later for those wonderful Pena dragons”.

Her response: “Well, we try to service all traditions.”

At that point, Brett burst out laughing. And I’m staring at this blank-eyed idiot of a sales clerk, wondering how in the WORLD a store could carry a huge stock of Pena’s sculptures and NOT know that’s the name of the sculptor AND think it’s the name of a spiritual path…

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